Fun Weekend!

Well, I'm still not doing a very good job at blogging consistantly, but I will get better one day. I am sure of it!
I won't even try to go back and catch up on everything since I last blogged, so I'll just do a list of a few highlights:

• I decided to join a gym! It's called planet fitness. So far I really like it! I hope it will help to kickstart my weight loss again.
• My mom's 50th birthday is this weekend! We are having a big party for her on Saturday. I am really looking forward to it!
• We have a fun weekend coming up - lots of out of town family will be here to visit and for my mom's birthday. One of my cousins is bringing her baby that I haven't met yet!! Can't wait to see them all!

Well, I can't really think of anything else substantial. We're still just plugging along. I can't believe the school year is almost over! My kids are on spring break this week, and I think I've only seen my son once! He spends every waking moment (and most sleeping moments, too!!) with friends. Oh to have the life of a teenager again. This is also bittersweet for me because I moved out over spring break of last year. So, it has been a full year that Corey and I have been separated. In some ways it has flown by, yet it also feels like an eternity.

I will be sure and post some pictures of our weekend and family reunion!

Snow day, and other various ramblings..

We had a good weekend. Friday night I got together with 2 of my best girlfriends for dinner. Macaroni Grill... YUM. They have the best bread and olive oil dipping sauce. I could have had that for dinner and nothing else. We split a big bottle of the most wonderful chianti. It was really nice to sit and talk for a few hours, over good food and good wine. I love my friends!!
Saturday was pretty usual - took my grandma on her weekly shopping trip. This time we ventured to Kmart; one of her favorite stores. We really don't go to Kmart that often because there aren't any nearby anymore. I bought myself a comforter set that I saw the last time I was in there. I LOVE it, but at $99 I just couldn't afford it. I had planned on putting it on lay-away, but when we got there, I saw that they marked it down to $70. So, I bought it!!! It's an 8 piece set, so I got a sheet set, 2 pillow cases, 2 pillow shams, comforter and bedskirt. It's got a pretty paisley print with shades of chocolate brown, cream and blue.. my favorites! It makes the bedroom look so nice. After my grandma's shopping trip we just came home and hung around at home.
Sunday Corey and I took the kids to see his parents. My MIL's father passed away last week, so we went by to visit her and Corey's aunts. They had just gotten home from the funeral parlor to finalize plans for the funeral. Corey and Terrell went to the funeral tody. I didn't go because of work, and I also didn't want Taylor to miss a day of school after being out all of last week.
We got another fun surprise on Sunday -- SNOW!!! It was so beautiful!! I love how everything looks so peaceful and quiet after it snows. Just like a Christmas card. The kids had a snow day from school on Monday and had fun playing in it. It's pretty much all gone now. It was fun while it lasted!
So, I'm just working today... the office is very quiet and slow. Days like this drag on forever! I am going to heat up my lovely lean cuisine for lunch in a bit.
This weekend I'm looking forward to going to a womens' conference at my old church. My (former) pastor's wife has a mentoring program called "Leading Ladies" that I was very blessed to go through in 2003. She does a Leading Ladies conference every year, and I'm excited to go this year. She hadn't had them for the past few years due to heart problems. We have an assignment - we need to bring something to give to every lady in attendence that represents who we are and what we bring to the world. I have NO idea. The first thing that comes to mind is something with sunshine or smiles, because I always try and be encouraging and cheerful. I don't know if that's cheesy, though?
Well, back to work!

Random Chatter..

I don't know that I will ever be able to keep up with this blog. I read so many other blogs, and I love them, and I so want to be a regular, interesting, funny blogger. I guess I just don't have it in me! Not that anyone even reads this, but oh well. I refuse to delete it! One day I will blog regularly, I just know it.

Well, here we are at the end of another week. This week has been a little more interesting than others - Taylor has chicken pox. Bless her heart. She is sooo itchy!! She is absolutely covered in spots. She has been out of school all week, hanging out with daddy. One of the perks of him being laid off, I suppose. She is doing science make-up work today, and her social studies teacher emailed me everything that she needs to do as well. Hopefully that will help her to not be quite so behind when she goes back to school on Monday. It's amazing how much you miss in one week!!

Last weekend was a happy one - we celebrated my sister's 28th birthday!! We had a dinner party at my house, the first of hopefully many fun gatherings. It was fun to have people over. I never really did that before. I hope to do it more often. I can't believe my sister is 28! Wow, that makes me feel old. I love her tremendously!! She is my best friend and the best sister in the world!

This weekend we don't have a lot going on. Tonight I'm having a girl's night at Chili's. We normally go to On the Border, but they closed it!! So sad. Their margaritas are the best! Chili's is good too, though. Saturday I have a TON of cleaning to do... especially my bathroom! Ugh. Sunday we have church, and that's about it. Oh, I am signed up to take a meal to a family at our church on Saturday. I need to call them today and set up a time. I'm making poppyseed chicken, I believe. And butterfinger cake. YUM!!

Well, I better get back to work. One day I will post some pictures and hopefully make this place a little more interesting. If anyone ever reads this, please leave a comment and say hello! Otherwise I guess I'm just talking to myself! That's ok, I am a good listener. ;)

Moving Forward...

I've decided that it is time to start moving forward with my life. I feel like for so many years I have just stayed in the same place. Not necessarily regressing, or going backward, but still, not moving forward. I have this thing about journals. I've bought so many of them, with the intention on using them as a place to not only record my thoughts, goals, frustrations, etc, but also for prayers and for talking to God. The sad thing is, aside from the fact that I write in them for a few days and then stop, is that when I see the date (some of them dating back as far as 1999) I am always in the same place. Emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually. I am always having the same stuggles, the same worries, the same problems. I would like to think that over the years I have changed, grown, learned from my mistakes, but really, I haven't. And that really saddens me. How can I be 30 years old and still having the same problems that I've had all through my 20s? When do I grow up?
I believe in God's promise that anyone who lacks wisdom should ask and it will be given to them. I do lack wisdom. I need wisdom to learn from my mistakes and move on - I feel like I never truly learn, therefore I am still in the same place year after year. I'm tired of living in this sense of bondage! How can I truly live life and enjoy it when I feel so burdened?

On a brighter note, I can't believe it has been 6 months already that the kids and I have been on our own. 6 months of paying rent, paying bills, just living and being on our own. It has not been easy (not in the least!) but we are doing it. I'm still broke, and I can barely make it paycheck-to-paycheck, but I'm doing it. There are many things that I need to work on money-wise. I sat down with my boss' sister and talked finances with her. She helped me come up with basically a road map on paying my bills, spreading the money out over the month, and even saving. So, we'll see. I'm determined to be smarter with money. I also really, deeply want to tithe. I feel like it is an area that I need to be obedient in. I've never done it, and I think I am really hindering God's work in my life by my disobedience to Him. More prayers on that to come.

Corey and I are getting along so much better lately, but I really just don't know if we'll ever get back together. I know that deep in my heart I do not want a divorce. I want us to have a successful marriage and our family to be together. I think he is struggling with the same thing. We spent so many years just being together not only because it was the only thing we've known since we were sooo young, but basically for a lack of anywhere else to go. There is obviously a love there, but it had gotten so faded over time, and so many things wedged in between us and just really widened the gap so much that I worry that we can never recover. I think about it so much and ponder all of the mistakes that I made over the course of our marriage and wish that I could change so many things. I know that I can't, but it is hard not to look back with regret. I'd like to start trying to do little things to help repair the hurts and unresolved problems, but it's kind of like walking into a really messy house and having that overwhelmed feeling of not even knowing where to start. I know that the Lord knows, and that He is bigger than any of our problems. I know that He cares and doesn't want anyone's marriage to end in divorce. But I guess it's hard to just let go and trust. Something that I read in my small group book (Parent Fuel - good stuff!) was how so many parents are determined *not* to get divorced, that they may stay married forever, legally, but their hearts were divorced a long time ago. That is not what I want. Lord, help me to know what I need to do. Help me to let go, release my expectations and time frame, and trust that You can and will work in our lives.

Well, that's it for now. I've been struggling back and forth over whether I wanted to use this blog as my journal for this year, or if I wanted to add yet another paper journal to my growing collection. For now I think I'll use this blog.