Confession Time...

I have completely stopped Weight Watchers. I don't know what the problem is. I have just stopped. I'm still paying for it every month, and I did go to a meeting this past Saturday, but I'm just not following the plan. I'm so disgusted with myself. I was so excited and motivated when I first started. I had focus and determination. I lost 33 lbs!!! I don't know what happened. The worst part is that I know exactly what I'm doing and I am not doing anything to change it. Please someone slap me!
Ok. I am posting this here for accountability. Not that anyone actually reads this blog, but at least I am putting it out there for all the world to see. I am getting back on track. Yes, it is the week before Christmas, and yes there will be all manner of fattening foods to eat, but I've got to do something. I've already gained 8 lbs back. I don't want to gain any more!! I've worked so hard to lose the weight, and I still have so much more to lose. I want to be healthy! I want to feel good about myself. I was just starting to really and truly notice my weightloss, and people around me were noticing, too. ALL of my clothes were too big. WHAT AM I DOING??
Ok. This is it!!! Back on track. Back to drinking my water every day. Back to tracking my points and making healthy choices. Back to walking 2-3 miles every day. Back to feeling good!! I can say that I definitely notice a difference between when I am being healthy, drinking water, exercising, and when I'm not. I just feel different. I have no energy, I'm always tired, etc.
I want this. I can do this. I'm not going to turn back now.

Catching Up...

We had a nice Thanksgiving! My sister & brother-in-law hosted this year. They moved 6 months ago, and it was nice to spend the holiday in their beautiful house! I made the broccoli casserole and the asparagus casserole. Other than that we had a delicious turkey, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes w/ marshmallows, corn pudding, green bean casserole, rolls, etc. I'm sure I'm forgetting something! Later than afternoon my kids and I went to see Corey and his side of the family. All in all, it was a nice day with family and yummy food. This year I know that I have a lot to be thankful for, although sometimes it is hard not to get overwhelmed with the things that stress me out! It's good to take time to reflect on your blessings, though. I think it helps you keep a good perspective on your life.
The kids and I decorated the tree on Saturday. I just love how the house looks and feels during Christmastime. One of my favorite things to do is light the Christmas tree after it gets dark, and just sit in the living room with a Christmas candle going (especially 'Christmas Eve' from Yankee Candle) and just enjoy the quiet.
Things are going ok money wise... I still need to be more diligent about budgeting and not spending money unnecessarily. That gets me every time. It's hard sometimes. I can't believe it's going on 5 months that we've lived here!! It doesn't seem like it.
Well, just wanted to check in. I will be more consistant with posting one day!!!

Friday..

I'm so glad today is Friday. I need a weekend! This has been a long week. Wednesday was a very stressful day for work, although it turned out to be a false alarm. I still ended up with a splitting tension headache for the whole evening.
Tonight is supposed to be cold and rainy, so I plan to stay home and do as little as possible! There is a highschool game that would be fun to go to, but it's an away game and I just don't have the energy or motivation to go. I may let Terrell go with friends if he wants to.
Tomorrow Terrell has a football game at 8pm. It's the semi-finals! If they win, they will be in the championship game next Saturday. That would be so exciting!! I really hope they win tomorrow. Although, I don't mind admitting that I am ready for football season to be over! We need a break.
I am still struggling with finding an activity for my daughter. She is just not athletic and thus she is not really interested in any sports. We tried soccer this past spring, and I think she enjoyed it, but it just wasn't really her 'thing'. We also tried cheerleading when she was a lot younger, but she wasn't so much in to that, either. We did do scouting (American Heritage Girls) for several years, and she seemed to enjoy it, but it kind of fizzled out. Plus, it was very hard for us to get involved on more than just a surface level because I work full time and wasn't really able to participate in a lot of the activities, volunteering, service hours, etc. I felt overwhelmed a lot! Anyway, she has expressed interest in trying cheerleading again, so we may do that next season. I just want her to have something to be involved in! Not only for the exercise, but for the social aspect, too. We'll see!
I am really struggling with Weight Watchers right now. I don't really know what happened! It seems like I have just given up. I haven't been to a meeting in a couple of weeks, so I don't know how much weight I've gained. I'm feeling differently, though, so I know I have. I've also stopped walking. I was doing SO GOOD, and I've just stopped. I need to get myself back in gear! I've worked too hard to lose these 33 lbs to give up now. I still really want to meet my goal of 50 lbs by Christmas. I know I can do it! I plan to go to my meeting on Saturday, get weighed, and face the music. I need to be accountable. There is no reason whatsoever that I can not continue to be successful on WW. I guess I just let myself get lazy again. I need to get back to that excited and determined feeling that I had when I first started. I know I can do it! I've come this far and I need to keep going. I'm so glad that Halloween is over!! If I never eat another piece of candy (especially a kit-kat or snickers) again, it will be too soon. Ugh.
Well, I just wanted to post a little something. I need to get back to work!

Today..

Today is.... a day. I'm having one of those days where I feel like I am drowning and can't keep up with my life. We are still in the midst of football season, and away from home at least 4 nights per week. As much as I love Terrell's football, I will be so glad when it is over and we can have a break.
I am also feeling increasingly overwhelmed with trying to manage my finances and take care of a household. I've been playing catch up this month. I've paid $417 in utilities alone! Hopefully next month I'll start to see some positive cash flow. It's definitely a challenge to try and make it on your own, but I know it will be worth it to look back and know that I did it.
I can't believe it will be time for Christmas soon! This year has gone so fast. We've had a lot of big things happen this year - namely my husband and I separating, and my kids and I moving into our own place. I've also lost 33 lbs on Weight Watchers so far, which in and of itself is a huge accomplishment. I've stuggled with my weight for the past 14 years. I'm still feeling unsettled about a church home; the kids and I have been attending a really great church, but it still just does not feel like home. We're not involved at all, either. I really need something to be involved in! I love women's ministry. Maybe I can look into ways to plug in.
Hopefully I will start being more consistant with blogging - it is a great outlet.

Remember Me?

Well, hello again. I have once again failed miserably at blogging regularly! Oh, well. Such is life. Rather than going back and trying to update on everything since I last blogged, I'll just start fresh. I will mention that the kids and I have in fact moved in to our own place - a wonderful house that we are renting in a great neighborhood. I have successfully paid 2 months of rent, and while my bills are still a little out of wack, and I have some catching up to do (story of my life) I am making it. I will try and post pictures soon!

One more update - my weightloss is still going strong! I am at 32 lbs lost total. Not bad! These last 12 lbs have been coming off really slowly, but I know that slowly is the best way. I had about 3.5-4 weeks where I just completely flaked out and wasn't doing anything that I should have been doing - not really even tracking. So, I have some time to make up for. The important thing is that I got myself back on track, and lost 2.2 lbs last week! (Huge improvement from .4 over the course of 2 weeks from the meeting before!!)

Anywho. I am at work, trying to eat some yogurt for breakfast. My boss is out today - jury duty. It should make for a very quiet and boring day. I have several things on my to-do list, but have no motivation whatsoever to do any of them.

We let yet another Sunday go by and did not go to church. I am determined to start going again next week. I have been in such a slump lately! I really want to go to church regularly again, but when Sunday morning gets here, I just do not get out of bed. I hate that!

The gas situation is out of control!! I can't believe that we are still out of gas. There is only one station near me with gas, and there is *always* a line down the street. There are even cops directing people at the pumps. It's insane. I hope this lets up soon. I realize now how much you really take it for granted to be able to get gas at any time, with a large assortment of gas stations to choose from! Not so much anymore.

Ok, I need to find some work to do!!

Cue the chirping crickets...

I am so incredibly bored today. My office is so quiet!! I have a little busy work that I could be doing, but I just can't get motivated to do it. Maybe after I post this equally boring blog entry.

So, we're moving in 2 days!! I can't believe it. It some ways, it feels really strange and scary, because I've never lived on my own before - the only adult in charge. I am still so unsure about what is going to happen in my marriage, and still so tender from all of the emotional upheaval that has been going on lately, but I know that moving forward is a good thing. My grandma has been so gracious to us; doing whatever she can to make room for us, to help in any way that she can, and even doing all of our laundry! Bless her! But we definitely need our space. It has been very hard to adapt to this new life while being crammed into one bedroom with both of my kids. I had also really wanted to move before school starts, so it really is a good thing. I'm just so nervous and worried.

I also worry about Corey a lot - I know he's having a hard time managing all of the household bills plus a new car payment on his own. I have to stop myself from feeling like I adandoned him or something. HE should be giving ME money! Since I am the one taking care of the kids and all. I haven't really pushed that issue with him because I know that he has had a lot to adjust to as well. We'll get it figured out, though. I just hope he doesn't fall really behind on the house payments and end up in foreclosure. I seriously doubt that would happen, but it would be bad!! We really need to either sell the house or get it refinanced and out of my name! Then I will feel like I can truly move forward and not be tied to the house.

In other news, I am really going down in clothing sizes!! I can wear a regular 18 now, not a plus sized 18!! That is a huge milestone for me! I have been wearing plus sized clothes for a long time!! Since I had Taylor, at least, and that was 12 years ago! So, I am feeling very accomplished and excited. Shopping for clothes is starting to be so much more fun. It was something that I dreaded for a really long time.

I am in desperate need of some time away. I would really love to take my kids somewhere over Labor Day weekend; just the 3 of us. Maybe Savannah? Or even just the Emerald Point Resort at Lake Lanier would be fun. I'd save a ton on gas, too. I'll have to think about it. We just really need some time away as a little family!!

Speaking of things that I am desperately in need of: my eyebrows are scary!!! I need to get them waxed ASAP if not sooner. I had gotten really good about going once a month, but I've slacked off lately. Yikes!

Well, I need to find some work to do. It is only 1:15!! Ugh.

Confidence..

Sometimes I find it so hard to be confident... especially confident in myself and my abilities. I feel that although I am an inteligent person, I do not have a lot of common sense. It's that common, practical sense that you need to make it in life. I don't know anything about money, finances, budgeting, etc, and I just keep making the same mistakes over and over. I really hate that about myself. Throughout all of our packing and moving lately, I have come across several journals that I have started over the past few years; some dating back as late as 2001!! The one thing that I realized is that no matter how long ago it was, I am still stuggling with the same issues. Marriage problems, finances, and my weight. I can say that I actually have been making some serious changes with regards to my weight - I've lost almost 25 lbs since May! However, the rest are just still the same.. year after year. What will it take to finally make some lasting changes? A long time ago, in a small group class, my (former) pastor's wife told us that "you will always get what you've always gotten if you always do what you've always done". I know that is so true, but why doesn't it ever sink in? That's where the lack of common sense comes in, I suppose. I just hate that I am still battling the same issues year after year.

This weekend, my kids and I are embarking on a brand new journey. We are moving in to our own house!! I am renting (for now), but it will be the first time that I've lived completely on my own. I am excited, yet terrified at the same time. I am so afraid that I will fail miserably at supporting myself and my kids. I am afraid that I won't be able to pay the bills, that I won't be able to establish a budget, and that I will be in over my head. I have no confidence in myself!! My experience leading up to now has been that of trying, making some changes for a few days, and then back to my old ways again. I want so much to be different! I want to actually be able to enjoy life, to sleep at night with peace of mind, and to be able to provide things for my kids - like vacations, new clothes when they need them, and being able to actually afford to do things for myself. I hate feeling like I'm a 30 year old teenager! I can't do anything without completely robbing Peter to pay Paul, and it shouldn't be that way. On paper, it works out that I should be able to comfortably support myself and my kids with extra at the end of the month. Instead, I am just scraping by, hand-to-mouth, paycheck-to-paycheck. I am sick of it!

Back to confidence... I sometimes feel so inadequate as an adult. I know that I got started so early in life, and I really didn't finish growing up myself before I had to start raising another little person. But I feel like enough time has gone by that I should be in a better place by now, and I don't want to be sitting here in July of 2009 feeling the same way! Change has to start now. Today.

Well, enough rambling for now! I just needed to get these thoughts out. More to come from our move!

Fit For Fall!

I was browsing around on the Weight Watchers message boards today, and came across a forum for weightloss challenges. I decided to join one named "Fit for Fall". You post what your goal is, and then you answer accountability questions each day, about the previous day. The questions are:

Did you stay OP? (On plan)
Did you exercise?
Did you follow the healthy 8? (8 good health guidelines)
What is your goal for next week?

You can also post about little victories and breakthroughs, or things that you are having a hard time with. Anyway, the challenge is to make your goal by the first day of fall, which is September 22. My goal is to say good-bye to the 200s!!! I have been over 200 lbs for as long as I can remember. Since having my daughter, I'm sure. So, it will be a huge monument for me! I am believing in myself! I know I can do it.

My other mini-goals are to reach my 10% mark by my birthday (which is this Sunday, so we'll see!) and to start incorporating more jogging into my daily walks.

I just love this newfound focus on my health and well-being. I should have done this a looong time ago, but I'm glad to be on the right track now. It is a learning process. I'm having to re-learn how to live and undo all of the bad habits that I've been building up for the past decade. There are still some areas that I need to work on, but the determination is there. I know I will succeed!

Good Weekend..

We had a really nice long weekend for the 4th of July. I was off work on Friday (of course) and we spent the day and evening with my sister & brother-in-law at their house for a cook-out and fire works. It was nice to just be with family and not battle the huge crowds. I do admit that I did miss the large fireworks display that we normally go to see, but the kids had fun watching the neighbors set off the fireworks, so that's what matters. And the food was great! My b-i-l is definitely a grill master. :)

I was down 1.4 lbs at my weigh-in on Saturday. I've lost a total of 22.8 lbs so far! Less than 4 lbs to go for my 10% goal, and I am so excited! It is a good feeling to know that I've been sticking with something for almost 11 weeks now. I normally would have given up a long time ago. I've also been pushing myself to walk everyday, even when I don't feel like it. I know that the walking has had a lot to do with my weightloss progress.

Saturday was my little Tay-Tay's birthday. I can't believe she is 12!! Where does the time go? It doesn't seem like it has been 12 years. We had a pool party for her, and then dinner & cake at my Grandma's house. She had a nice day. She got $70 in birthday money, which has her absolutely beaming! She definitely hasn't hit teenager mode yet, though; when I suggested that she use some of her money for new clothes, she looked at me like I was crazy, and then said, very unwillingly, mind you, that she'd spend $10 on clothes. LOL!

There are lots of future blog posts swirling through my mind for the next few weeks - an update on things between my husband and I, budgeting, tithing, and the importance of me-time. I also really want to talk about how much I am dying to go back to school!!

Random updates..

I just can't seem to keep up with this blog!! I have good intentions, but I guess life just gets in the way. I'm not deleting it, because I know I'll be able to post more frequently at some point, but right now it is just hard to find the time! It doesn't help much that we don't have internet at home right now, but that will be changing soon.

So... lots to update about since I last checked in! I am loving Weight Watchers! I've lost 13.2 lbs so far, and I am finally starting to really notice it! All of my pants are getting too big in the waist. That's a good feeling! I love going to the meetings every Saturday. I almost always learn something new. I also love the feeling of stepping on the scale and knowing that it went down, even if it is just 1 lb. I did have 2 weeks where I lost over 4 lbs each week! That was awesome. I've also been walking every night. This is huge for me, as I have never really stuck with anything for more than a week or 2. It has been a month! I am so proud!!

We are finally moving back into our own place again! We've been living with my Grandma since spring break, and we're definitely more than ready to be on our own again. We're renting a nice house in the area, and it's in a super neighborhood. It is a swim/tennis community with tons of families. We already know several of the families through football and other various activities. I feel so blessed and thankful!

I can't believe football starts next month!! We have physicals on the 12th, evaluations on the 23 & 24th, and then practice starts on the 28th. I love football time! I can't believe Terrell will be playing 8th grade football this year. This is our last year of rec football, then we move on to high school!! That doesn't seem possible.

Well, I know this post was a bit random and scattered, but it has been a while! I will get more consistant soon, I promise! :)

It's Been a While!

Oh, wow! It has been a while since I last checked in. I am so bad about keeping up with a blog! I have the best intentions, but then I always get behind. We had such a wonderful visit with Janice! Dinner last Wednesday was great. Everyone came, and we had such a great time of talking and laughing. After dinner a few of us went to Starbucks to keep talking. It was great! We got so many fun pictures! I'll have to post some of them.

In other exciting news, I joined Weight Watchers!!! I'm doing well so far. Well, I guess we'll know for sure when I have my next weigh-in! I think I'm doing well, though. I've also been walking! It feels good to know that I am finally doing something positive for myself. I think as I go along and start memorizing the points value for a lot of the different foods that I eat, it will be easier to keep a running total in my head. Right now, I still have to look everything up. The eTools on their website is awesome!! I would highly recommend it to anyone that is doing WW. I've been logging in all of my food, tracking my points, finding recipes, etc. I've even posted a couple of times on their message boards. Fun!

Well, I'm expecting my boss to get here any minute, so I better look busy! LOL!

New Day..

Today is a new day. I am always so glad to wake up in the morning and know that it is a new day.. a fresh start. I didn't really have a bad day yesterday, but I'm just glad it is a new day today. Today is an especially exciting day, because Janice will be here this afternoon!! She is my bestest best friend, and she moved to Idaho 3 years ago. I'm so excited to finally get to see her. We have a fun week planned, but I am sure it will go by so fast. Tomorrow night we're all getting together for dinner at PF Chang's.. yummy!! On Thursday I am off work so I can spend the day with her. I'm not sure yet what we'll do. It will include a visit to Starbucks, for sure. Maybe even Target, for old time's sake! LOL! I'm just so excited to see her. On Friday I have to work as normal, but Saturday is our dear friend's wedding, and then that night Janie is spending the night with me, and we're going to church in the morning, and lunch with her brother-in-law, who also happens to be a good friend of mine. So, it should be a fun week.

We are in total countdown to summer mode. My kids are sooo ready to be done with school! I can't believe they have just a few weeks left! This school year went by so fast! It seems like they always do. I can't believe Terrell will be starting his last year of middle school in August! That doesn't seem possible, or fair! And, to make matters worse.. my BABY will be starting middle school. Just shoot me now.

Well, back to work. It is only 10:36 AM! The day is crawling by.

Mmmm....Cheesecake

Here is the recipe for the cheesecake bars that I made yesterday. It is a Paula Deen (my cooking BFF) recipe. She calls them cookies, but they are definitely more like bars. Whatever you call them, they are good! And very easy! Enjoy! :)

Savannah Cheesecake Cookies

Crust:

1 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 cup packed light brown sugar

1 cup chopped pecans

1 stick butter, melted

Filling:
2 (8-ounce) packages cream cheese, softened

1 cup granulated sugar

3 eggs

1 teaspoon pure vanilla or almond extract

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

Combine flour, brown sugar, pecans, and butter in bowl. Press dough into an ungreased 13 by 9 by 2-inch pan. Bake for 12 to 15 minutes or until lightly browned.

For filling, beat cream cheese and granulated sugar together in a bowl until smooth, using a handheld electric mixer; add eggs and extract; beat well. Pour over crust. Bake for 20 minutes. Cool completely. Cut into squares before serving.

Great Weekend!!

We had a really nice weekend. It wasn't anything overly exciting, but it was nice. On Friday we were supposed to have dinner at my mom's for her husband's birthday, but those plans fell through. So, we just hung around at home. My little nephew came over and spent the night with us. It's always fun to have him around! He's my little buddy. Saturday was spent at Taylor's soccer game, getting haircuts, and then dropping the kids off with their dad. That night my mom and I went with friends to see Rent at the Fox! I wish I would have gotten some pictures. It was fun to get out and do something. I also love going to the city! I will live there someday... mark my words! I felt really cute on Saturday night.. I was wearing a really fun black top, my favorite super dark denim jeans and my pointy-toed black shoes. I had also flat ironed my hair, and was having a really good make-up night. It was really nice to feel good about myself for a change! The show itself was a little dissapointing because the sound wasn't that great. So, it was really hard for my mom to follow the story. The DVD is much better, so I am going to let her borrow it so she can watch it and understand the story.
On Sunday morning I got all of our laundry done, and then my Grandma and I had a baking fest! We made 2 lemon pies, one with meringue (sp?) topping, and one with whipped cream topping. I also made Savannah Cheesecake Cookies (a Paula Deen recipe) and they were soo good! I'll have to post the recipe. That evening we went to my mom's for dinner. We grilled hamburgers & hotdogs, and had potato salad, mac & cheese, baked beans, and birthday cake. My sister, BIL, and their kids came over, too. It was fun! Corey brought the kids to me at my mom's house so they could be a part of the birthday dinner. It was good to see him, and I am so glad that we are getting along better. I know it makes it a lot easier for the kids, too.
The kids had a really nice time spending the night with their dad. They ordered pizza on Saturday night, and then yesterday they went to visit Corey's parents, and then to the movies in the afternoon. They saw Forbidden Kingdom with Jackie Chan and Jet Li. They all enjoyed it!
Well, that's it for our weekend! I really need to get to work!

Feeling Better...

I am slowly starting to feel better about what is going on in our lives right now. It has been hard to adjust moving back in with family after being a homeowner for almost 10 years, but I know it is temporary. My prayer for this time in our lives is that it will be a time of growing together as a unit (my kids & I), change for me, learning from mistakes, and most importantly, healing. I also want to focus on praying for my husband, and praying that God will really work in his heart and cause him to want our family back together.

In other exciting news, I am really excited to have a night out tomorrow!! I am getting together with a group of friends to see Rent at the Fox Theatre! I can't wait! Rent is one of my all-time favorite musicals. We are going out to eat before the show and a neat little mediterranean cafe. Can't wait! Hopefully I will have some pictures to post.

Well, I guess I better wrap it up for now. Happy Friday!

Just starting out...

Well, here I am attempting to start a blog again. I've tried this before, and for some reason I never kept up with it. However, I am embarking on some major life changes, and would really like to document everything that is going on, as well as have a place to share my frustrations, prayers, happiness, etc. It will hopefully be a way to also look back and see how God has worked in our lives and answered prayers along the way.

So. Here I am. Hopefully this blog will be an outlet for me, as well as a way to keep in touch with and make new friends in the blogging world.